I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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