i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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