I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
We were destined to go to rehab together
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Randomize
