Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
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