Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
