god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize