A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
