I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
