I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
