apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
