i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
