so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
