spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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