Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
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