Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
