for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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