I think my fart just growled at me.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize