Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
