Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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