call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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