genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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