I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize