I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Randomize
