everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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