I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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