i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
