I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
