the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
