any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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