sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
