now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Randomize
