This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
