How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
