the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
