I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
