youre lurking in front of me
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
