She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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