Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize