So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
