i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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