i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
im holly from the hills drunk
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
