Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
i think im in europe. pls send help
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
