i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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