the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
