My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
