I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
