id be glad to
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize