I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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