she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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