It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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