its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
