saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
