I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Randomize
