We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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