so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
