Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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