all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
