and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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