Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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