new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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