my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I'm always down for nudity.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
