Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
