Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
