im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
