Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
