Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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