redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
