So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
