i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
