We won't sleep together?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
