Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
