hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
