smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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